Anyone else have anxiety about other people? Probably. That’s like a huge part of it, right? And I’m probably not special in how mine seems to reach so much further than seems normal, but in standard anxiety form I *feel* like I am special because anxiety *chose* me. #swoon
Anyway, I just wanted to talk about this teensy little thing that causes my heart rate to go 30 miles over the limit: other people and their problems. I know, it says it right there, it’s their problem. I know this but my anxious side is like, “Ok BUT, what if it IS your problem? PLUS, you have all the answers, so it seems a little selfish to not share them with those who need it most???” And that makes sense to me.
I talked to my therapist about it and read a self-help book about it and both said to focus on myself and my problems and not those of others. It will be uncomfortable, but let it be. It will get easier. (And then eventually I’ll know how to set boundaries?! Incredible.) This all sounds logical too.
BUT THEN. Then some idiot is acting so dumb I’m just sitting here fidgeting and ready to pounce like, “Oh you need my unsolicited advice????? HERE IT IS!” They do need it, but they don’t want it. I’m right, I mean of course I am, but they aren’t ready for my profound wisdom. They will even look me in the eye and act like they are listening and then go right back to acting like a jackass. And I know that people can’t help it. They need to make mistakes and changes all in their own time. They have to want it. I have read all the books and inspirational quotes, I KNOW THIS. That doesn’t make it any easier for me to sit by and let them act like feral meat sacks.
I’ll sometimes notice how much progress I’ve made in focusing on myself and prioritizing my mental health and think, “Ya. This was the right decision. People are idiots and I should just let them be idiots and stay out of it.” And I swear it’s like the person knows. “Oh my god, she hasn’t tried to help me in a while! I need to do something drastic to get her attention.” And they will. And then I have to hear about it and try to still keep my mouth shut. Sometimes it’s a physical effort. I have to put my phone down and literally work off the urge in the gym or something. I have to clench my jaw so tight it needs a chiropractor to put it back in place. (These are actual things that have happened to me.)
This is why people talk shit about each other I swear lol. “Oh, so-and-so is being a real so-and-so but I can’t say anything because they don’t fkn listen so I’m going to vent.” I SWEAR this is how gossip came to be; idiots causing people with all the answers to have to resort to talking behind said idiots’ backs because…they’re idiots. Is that harsh? It might be but it’s also smart. It’s kind of better for everyone if instead of giving advice to people who clearly aren’t trying to change you just tell someone else the whole situation and then forget about it immediately. The idiots don’t have to pretend to listen and probably get resentful for getting advice they didn’t ask for and the rest of us geniuses get to keep our mentals slightly healthier.
Alas. I hope you enjoyed my little rant about idiots. If not, I can’t say that I’m too sad about it because venting about it here helped me which is what I’m really all about.